Job description: Parent (who would do it?)

POSITION: Parent

Mum, Mummy, Mama, Ma 
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
 

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. 
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! 
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 
Extensive courier duties also required.   

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. 
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs £100.00 or more. 
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the garden are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zips. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. 
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: None. 
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! 
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. 
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that passing school exams will help them become financially independent. 
When you die, you give them whatever is left. 
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do… or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.   
 
** AND A FOOTNOTE ‘THERE IS NO RETIREMENT — EVER!!!    

 

Photo by Thomas Hawk

If anyone knows who wrote this I would happily credit them! Ta Mum and Auntie Shirley for forwarding it to me.

2 responses to “Job description: Parent (who would do it?)”

  1. Vayia says :

    I think it could be from Annette Clifford’s ‘World’s Toughest Job’ – thank you for posting, I loved it!

    • Lisa says :

      No Worries … your comment made me re-read it – so thanks for the ping. I really like the “indispensable one minute and embarrassment the next” … which I am just beginning to experience with my 10 year old! And the no promotion part also made me laugh out loud.

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